Marriage ~ Couples ~ Relationship Counseling & Therapy

To achieve your goals requires commitment to your relationship. One way to demonstrate and practice your commitment is through frequent sessions which allow your therapist to repeatedly witness your relationship patterns, interrupt harmful patterns, and encourage helpful ones. Meeting weekly encourages a depth of familiarity and trust between you and your partner and between you as a couple and your therapist. Safe and compassionate relationships are what facilitate the changes you desire.

I work to understand both you and your partner as individuals so I can help you relate with yourself and with your partner in new ways that improve your relationship. I want both of you to experience me as respectful and curious about your unique perspectives, supporting the individual clarity each of you needs, to make decisions together for the betterment of your relationship. Effective couple therapy is a function of my skillful application of these and other skills (like maintaining an emotionally safe environment) and your commitment in learning to reveal your authentic feelings to your partner with compassion and kindness.

There are many ways in which couple therapy is different from individual therapy. In short, effective couple therapy keeps the focus on the client-couple’s relationship patterns which takes skill to consistently follow, maintain, and interpret.

I always work with the couple together; this means that if one of you is unable to attend a session we cancel the session. It is my experience that working in this way helps keep the energy and intention where it needs to be, within the relationship. Your relationship (you and your spouse/partner together) is the client. It's also important to understand that I won’t keep secrets between you and your spouse/partner. If you communicate with me individually I will feel free to share all information with your partner.

Office based counseling sessions typically last 50 minutes to an hour. My experience is that 90 minute sessions are more conducive to couples easily transitioning into each session and exploring their needs fully.

I only work with the couple together; if your partner refuses to attend couple therapy you won't be able to meet with me. Having said that, there is certainly a lot you can do to improve your relationship by meeting individually with a therapist. And you may find that an experienced couple therapist who also works individually may be particularly helpful. Over the years I have had many calls from people stating that their partner refuses to attend couple therapy. Sometimes, through a very small amount of coaching from me over the phone, these people have successfully negotiated an agreement from their partner to try three sessions only and evaluate the result afterward. If this sounds like you I'm happy to speak with you on the phone to understand your particular situation.

There is a lot I could say about this, and in particular, with regard to couple therapy. Just from an enjoyment perspective, I would much rather be in the office with a couple attuning to any number of subtle behaviors they express, both jointly and individually, in joy and in stress. These kinds of "clues" to the depths of a couple's relationship, and to each individual partner's lived experience, are just so much more difficult for me to witness and identity through a two dimensional flickering monitor (and that's just the tip of the iceberg). I also have a bias that it's good for you to experience some of the same from the therapist, without the mediation of a screen. I could go on and on about this. Yes, there is a place for online tele-health, and I'm pleased that it now has the credibility that it does. This does not mean that online couple therapy is functionally equal to meeting in the consult room with the therapist; at least it's not for me.