Solving The Moment Not The Problem

I have experience learning and applying several therapeutic models that build on my body of knowledge as a therapist. Quality models usually have commonalities. The differences are often where the therapist repeatedly places her attention.

Solution Focused Therapy (SFT) has a bias: If you remain focused on the problem, you stay stuck in the problem. SFT reminds us of a truism that is easy to forget. Focusing primarily on the problem is easy to do, however, precisely because the problem is painful, it grabs our attention, and we want it to stop.

Collaborative Couple Therapy (CCT) has its own foundational tenants. One of these is solve the moment not the problem. Solving the moment encourages us to repeatedly place attention on how we relate with our partners about the problem.

In solving the moment we share our feelings about the problem with our mate (i.e., our hopes, confusion, sadness) and do our best to compassionately acknowledge each other’s perspectives. We fold the problem into the relationship as something to relate with together, as collaborative confidants, rather than using the problem against each other. Through sharing and receiving each other’s hearts in this way, our problems can become vehicles for deeper intimacy.

“But what about the problem?”, you might ask. “Don’t we want to solve it?” Of course . . . and solutions come in all shapes and sizes. Perhaps we will just get more relaxed about disagreeing. Or, perhaps someone will feel moved by the vulnerable heart of her lover and adjust her perspective. Solving the moment trusts that solutions reveal themselves when we can safely reveal our inner turmoils, and our deepest desires, with the one we love. --Doug